Did Gulliver visit Malaysia?

Two dear friends gave me a present recently -- a belated one for my birthday, or an early one for Christmas, I'm not sure. It was a Walker's Illustrated Classic edition of Gulliver. It is a gorgeous book indeed, and the illustrations by Chris Riddell are to die for. I first read Gulliver's Travels when I was a child, yes centuries ago. I was already an adult when I read the unabridged version. This Walker's edition brought back memories and an entirely new perspective.

Lilliput was Malaysia three hundred years ago in a time warp

There is a map in the book that places Lilliput in the eastern part of the Indian Ocean, and south of the Indonesian islands. I think they got it wrong there. I think it was a little farther east and north of the equator. I think Lilliput was Malaysia! Why? Well, read on.

First, Lilliput was full of little people, just like Malaysians, with their tiny brains. If you don't believe me, I suggest you buy any of our daily newspapers (a habit you gave up years ago, I'm sure) and read the headlines, especially what our politicians say. Believe me, they are consistently brilliant and you might keel over and die laughing, so please read it sitting down. Jonathan Kent used to say that this is a laugh-a-minute country. Unfortunately, like Lilliputians, we don't have much of a sense of humour, either. But, we'll come to that.

Lilliput looks calm from the outside, but Gulliver soon learns how vicious the politics are. "There have been two struggling parties in this empire, under the names of Tramecksan and Slamecksan, from the high and low heels of their shoes, by which they distinguish themselves. It is alleged, indeed, that the high heels are most agreeable to our ancient constitution; but, however this may be, his majesty hath determined to make use only of low heels in the administration of the government ... The animosities between these two parties run so high, that they will neither eat nor drink nor talk with each other.”

Off-beat cha cha king

I almost fell of my chair laughing out loud at that. I couldn't get a vision of Ibrahim Ali balancing in high heels out of my head!

Another line says: “We apprehend his imperial highness, the heir to the crown, to have some tendency towards the high heels; at least, we can plainly discover that one of his heels is higher than the other, which gives him a hobble in his gait.” Now, who might that be trying to please both sides, and wobbling? (I remember someone from my university days everyone called the off-beat cha cha king. It was a cruel joke because he did have a limp. But anyone you asked was sure he was a government mole.)

And, there were deep religious differences, too. Wars broke out often, between people who believed that eggs should be cracked at the big end, and those who believed that such doctrines were blasphemous and offended "against a fundamental doctrine of our great prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the Blundecral (their holy book)". Sounds familiar? Read anything about the Jakim scripted mosque sermons on the internet, and you will understand.

Bringing up children

1. "Their (Lilliputians') opinion is, that parents are the last of all others to be trusted with the education of their own children; and, therefore, they have, in every town, public nurseries, where all parents, except cottagers and labourers, are obliged to send their infants of both sexes to be reared and educated. ” In Malaysia, parents are not qualified to bring up children either. We have maids, kindergartens for two-year-olds, and television.

2. “Their parents are suffered to see them only twice a year; the visit to last but an hour; they are allowed to kiss the child at meeting and parting; but a professor, who always stands by on those occasions, will not suffer them to whisper, or use any fondling expressions, or bring any presents of toys, sweetmeats, and the like.” Malaysians have dawn-to-dusk tuition, so we don't have see our children at all, until they are old enough to have some of their own!

3. And in the political sphere, succession to political office was handled thus: “When a great office is vacant, either by death or disgrace (which often happens) five or six of those candidates petition the emperor to entertain his majesty, and the court, with a dance on the rope, and whoever jumps the highest without falling, succeeds in the office. ” Somersaults scored more points.

Certainly better than annual party conventions! At least, there will be no chairs thrown about.

The Song not the Singer

The following is credited to Charlie Redmayne, HarperCollins UK chief executive in The Guardian:

Take storytelling back from digital rivals: "Publishers have historically been the most innovative and creative of organisations," he said. "But I think that when it came to the digital revolution we came to a point where we stopped innovating and creating. We thought, we've done an ebook and that is what it is." "Have others stolen a march on us? Yes, absolutely. There are now people competing with us who five or 10 years ago were not on our radars."

It would have been laughable, were it not so sad. Let's examine this statement line by line.

"Publishers have historically been the most innovative and creative of organisations." Really?

From what I know, the oldest form of storytelling was through song. And many have survived till today. In some parts of India, the Ramayana sung millenniums ago still survives. Even today, the song is still a powerful form of storytelling. Billions don't read, but they sing and listen to music.

Then came drama -- the modern incarnations of which are the television and the cinema, which are often panned by the snobs for their lowest common denominator appeal. Sure, there are plenty of trashy shows, just as there are trashy books (which millions like). But there are also artful movies, although some of them can bore you to tears, just like some 'literary novels' that have won major prizes. (Watch the video attached, and decide which part of digital you don't like. It's an ad by Google India, and try to watch it without the English transcripts. Language is optional in good storytelling.)

Storytelling through writing is a bit of a Johnny-come-lately. For one thing, writing started long after the song and the theatre. Besides, it would have been a little inconvenient to lug around stone tablets, and reproducing them buy hand was a little tiring. (Can you imagine their carpel-tunnel-syndromes!) So, writing took off in earnest only about 600 years ago. But it was quite a spectacular début, well deserving of a fireworks display. Then everything went crazy in the 1990s.

"But I think that when it came to the digital revolution we came to a point where we stopped innovating and creating." Again. Really?

The sad truth is that the book industry became a greedy eyed monster that lost the plot. That's when it stopped innovating. First it became a major industry in the 90s and attracted all sorts of riff-raff who wanted to make quick money. (Remember Borders?) It became no longer about the love of books or knowledge. It was about the money. It was run by CEOs who openly and proudly admitted that they did not read. It was probably the only major industry in the world that is run by such a large number of people -- manufacturers, distributors and retailers -- with absolutely zero product and customer knowledge, while rest of us, who love and understand books, were trampled upon and left to eat dirt.

Let's get this right. It is not print versus the digital. It is about print and digital. Just like the coexistence of fast- and slow-food restaurants catering for different palates, and the radio, the CD, and digital downloads living in the same music universe, so does print and digital. It's called evolution. But, digital is where Silicon Valley was in the 80s. And, we ain't seen nothing yet!

In a recent conference in the UK called Futurebooks organised by The Bookseller recently, there were two (seemingly opposing) view: Jamie Bing, Managing Director at Canongate – a Scottish indie publisher, told attendees that Canongate had reduced its output from 78 to 40 titles per year and that he would like to reduce it further to 20 titles per year, so that every book would get twice the attention and be twice as good. That is, publish fewer but but better books. I can understand that perfectly, and I salute Jamie Bing for saying it aloud.

I read a report not too long ago that our of 150,000 (or so) new titles in the UK, only 3000 made it to Waterstones -- where they were given 6 months to perform, or else. What happened to the rest, no one knows. Now, they have an alternative. Go direct-to-digit. Won't be worse. At least, save some trees.

The other argument is that books need to be published faster, that it can take up to 12 months for a title to to reach the public. To me, these are not opposing arguments. The are part of the same. If you publish less, you can get the important one's out more quickly.

Live and let live.

Another interesting story in Wired.com recently said that Amazon is now letting indie bookstores sell its Kindle tablets, in a best of both worlds deal: customers get Kindles, and the stores get a 10 per cent cut when customers use the tablet to buy books. WTF! You kidding me? Of course, the indie publishers are sneering at you. Okay, now make that 35%, and let's talk. And maybe, Amazon, you should drop your live-and-let-die business model, or is that too much to ask?

Redmayne also asked: Have others stolen a march on us? Yes, absolutely. There are now people competing with us who five or 10 years ago were not on our radars.

It would be wonderful to have all your competitors on your radar, wouldn't it? It would be wonderful if anyone who wants to get into the industry should be approved and suitably qualified (like in Germany) or at least well read. Incredibly, that was the way it was for 600 years, that is, until less than 20 years ago! Mr Redmayne, you should know what happened in 1995. A herd of elephants spotted a rich sugar-cane plantation, started stampeding towards it, trampling over and killing thousands of dedicated workers, and are now complaining about another herd that has come to feed, too. Wonders of democracy!

By the way, Mr Redmayne, do you read?

Staying foolish

Steve Jobs famously said, "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish!" He also said, "Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

I had some visitors over for Diwali, parents, grandparents like me, who were glibly quoting Jobs, saying how they knew a lawyer who gave up his lawyer-ing and now makes a lot of money ... I wanted to laugh, but decided to just smile instead. "Would you have let your son, your daughter, drop out of school?" I asked.

"No lah. Just saying." They didn't stop there, but went on talking about other stories in the same vein. I told them to buy a lottery ticket.

How we love reading and talking about our gods, and imagining their lives; living it vicariously. Life is difficult, and parents have a hard enough time choosing names for their children that their off-springs will not scold them for, a few years hence.

I was reading another story that said Malaysian parents considered money spent on tuition as money well spent. Some years ago, another parent told me that he opposed a single-session school system because his children would then have no time for tuition. These sentiments are not new. Even our part-time housekeeper, who can barely make ends meet, goes into debt paying for cram schools her children attend. (I went to school in the sixties in a small town where tuition classes were not yet fashionable. Only the dumb kids attended them. Which also meant I had plenty of time to stay foolish! As for hunger, I read like hell.)

Life has been all laid out for us. We cram like hell during our school and college years, so we can spend the rest of our lives as galley slaves in corporations, earning salaries that will allow us to consume like hell, and, hence, return the money to those who gave it to us in the first place -- albeit, in a roundabout way. And, all the time, we'll continue to complain and dream about our gods. All  parents want, is for their children to succeed (whatever that means), and to do it in a way that does not bring them shame or trouble, or, at least, they don't hear about it. (Go to another country and if you want to create trouble!) Is that too much to ask?

So-oo Asian, the American media have lectured us for years. Yet, at no time in history, and in no country other than the US, have so many people been so totally enslaved, working their butts off for meagre rewards, spending everything they earn, consuming mindlessly, totally incapable of making a living with their own hands or through enterprise. (For my son's graduation in the US, the 'official' photographs were taken by a national conglomerate that had 300 universities in its portfolio. Photographs during my graduation were taken by a dozen roving photo-studio operators from KL and PJ, including Kedai Gambar Ah Meng.)

With the chances of becoming a Jobs or a Gates being next to none, is a life sentence all there is for us? Sure, grown men no longer have to live in fear of the whip, but that doesn't mean the reign of terror and bully is over. Intimidation is more subtle now. We started off as hunter-gatherers who shared food and protected one another against the elements and predators. Then we became civilised, and, with it, started the process of enslavement and abuse. What an irony?!

So, what is this piece all about? Ah yes, about staying hungry and foolish, and, I might add, staying young.  You may think that the foolishness I am getting at are the risks some people take to make money. In which case, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. It's another form of it that I so admire; the foolishness to dare to imagine a better world and to go after it. The foolishness that drives our willingness to take on the likes of Ibrahim Ali with a video on YouTube, to take on a man who is reportedly proud that someone called him a Nazi. Yes, I have much respect for the young people behind That Effing Show. Stay young guys, and stay foolish and hungry. And maybe this country will have a future. Parents, will you allow your kids to produce an effing show? Or will you simper and kowtow in embarrassment because your children are causing so much 'trouble', and let others call them budak (kids) and kurang ajar (badly brought up)? Aren't we well past that?

Maybe, that's what Jobs meant: foolishness is the perfect antidote for idiocy.