Two dear friends gave me a
present recently -- a belated one for my birthday, or an early one
for Christmas, I'm not sure. It was a Walker's Illustrated Classic
edition of Gulliver. It is a gorgeous book indeed, and the
illustrations by Chris Riddell are to die for. I first read
Gulliver's Travels when I was a child, yes centuries ago. I was
already an adult when I read the unabridged version. This Walker's
edition brought back memories and an entirely new perspective.Lilliput was Malaysia three hundred years ago in a time warp
There is a map in the book that places Lilliput in the eastern part of the Indian Ocean, and south of the Indonesian islands. I think they got it wrong there. I think it was a little farther east and north of the equator. I think Lilliput was Malaysia! Why? Well, read on.
First, Lilliput was full of little people, just like Malaysians, with their tiny brains. If you don't believe me, I suggest you buy any of our daily newspapers (a habit you gave up years ago, I'm sure) and read the headlines, especially what our politicians say. Believe me, they are consistently brilliant and you might keel over and die laughing, so please read it sitting down. Jonathan Kent used to say that this is a laugh-a-minute country. Unfortunately, like Lilliputians, we don't have much of a sense of humour, either. But, we'll come to that.
Lilliput looks calm from the outside, but Gulliver soon learns how vicious the politics are. "There have been two struggling parties in this empire, under the names of Tramecksan and Slamecksan, from the high and low heels of their shoes, by which they distinguish themselves. It is alleged, indeed, that the high heels are most agreeable to our ancient constitution; but, however this may be, his majesty hath determined to make use only of low heels in the administration of the government ... The animosities between these two parties run so high, that they will neither eat nor drink nor talk with each other.”
Off-beat cha cha king
I almost fell of my chair laughing out loud at that. I couldn't get a vision of Ibrahim Ali balancing in high heels out of my head!
Another line says: “We apprehend his imperial highness, the heir to the crown, to have some tendency towards the high heels; at least, we can plainly discover that one of his heels is higher than the other, which gives him a hobble in his gait.” Now, who might that be trying to please both sides, and wobbling? (I remember someone from my university days everyone called the off-beat cha cha king. It was a cruel joke because he did have a limp. But anyone you asked was sure he was a government mole.)
And, there were deep religious differences, too. Wars broke out often, between people who believed that eggs should be cracked at the big end, and those who believed that such doctrines were blasphemous and offended "against a fundamental doctrine of our great prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the Blundecral (their holy book)". Sounds familiar? Read anything about the Jakim scripted mosque sermons on the internet, and you will understand.
Bringing up children
1. "Their (Lilliputians') opinion is, that parents are the last of all others to be trusted with the education of their own children; and, therefore, they have, in every town, public nurseries, where all parents, except cottagers and labourers, are obliged to send their infants of both sexes to be reared and educated. ” In Malaysia, parents are not qualified to bring up children either. We have maids, kindergartens for two-year-olds, and television.
2. “Their parents are suffered to see them only twice a year; the visit to last but an hour; they are allowed to kiss the child at meeting and parting; but a professor, who always stands by on those occasions, will not suffer them to whisper, or use any fondling expressions, or bring any presents of toys, sweetmeats, and the like.” Malaysians have dawn-to-dusk tuition, so we don't have see our children at all, until they are old enough to have some of their own!
3. And in the political sphere, succession to political office was handled thus: “When a great office is vacant, either by death or disgrace (which often happens) five or six of those candidates petition the emperor to entertain his majesty, and the court, with a dance on the rope, and whoever jumps the highest without falling, succeeds in the office. ” Somersaults scored more points.
Certainly better than annual party conventions! At least, there will be no chairs thrown about.
